its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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