she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
