the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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