Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
