Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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