my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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