Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
