the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
