i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
