Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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