Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
