Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
