why didn't you poke me back
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
