Someone shit on the floor
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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