So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
