I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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