I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
