I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
