So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
