I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
