he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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