if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
