My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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