I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
