My sheets look like a crime scene.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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