hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
