there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
