need another drink. this is the easiest way
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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