Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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