the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
