When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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