Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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