i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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