He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
