I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
