The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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