NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
