Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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