The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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