You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
