McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
