Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.