I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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