I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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