Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
