More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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