she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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