Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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