John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
