Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
