hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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