Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
