And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
