The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
