I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
