The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I believe in your delicious
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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