That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
