This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize