I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
