AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
