I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize