Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
