Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think i have two assholes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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