In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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