So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
