I just threw up on my dentist
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
