did you get engaged???
I wish my penis had an off switch
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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