Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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