so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
